Her First I Love You
by bcsm
Summary: As much as I adore Beckett's "I love you" in the episode "Still", I have always felt that wasn't the first time she said those words to Castle. Here's my take on how her first "I love you" went down and just for fun, I combined it with another moment, we have been dying to see on the show. This is a two part story. I own nothing connected to Castle, except for my love of the show.
1. Chapter 1

She hadn't seen him in eight long days, because he was on a multi city book tour. They had been together for a little over six months and this had been, by far, the longest they had gone without seeing each other, since that fateful night, when she showed up, soaking wet, at his front door. She was finding it incredibly hard to concentrate on the paperwork sitting in front of her. His flight was due to arrive at 12:50PM and he had said he would call when he landed. It was almost 1:00PM and she kept glancing at her phone in anticipation. There was small a part of her that was surprised, by just how intensely she had missed him this past week. She and Lanie had laughed about that very topic the day before, when Lanie had joked about Beckett being addicted to Castle and going into withdrawal, while he was away. It was true, she had thought to herself, she needed a Castle fix….badly. She forced herself to turn her attention back to her work. Gates had asked her to close out the case she had been working on, by the end of the day, and if she wanted to leave work at a reasonable hour, she really needed to focus.

Her phone rang about forty minutes later. She picked it up and saw Castle's photo, smiling back at her.

"Hey," she answered, as she got up and walked into the empty break room, so she would have a little more privacy. "I was beginning to get worried….everything alright?"

"Don't worry...everything's fine." Castle replied, "We circled JFK for about 30 minutes before we were allowed to land, but I'm walking to the car now. What time do you think you will be able to get out of there?"

"Gates wants me to wrap up this case today." she said, "I'm hoping I will be able to get it done by 6:30 or so. Do you have something in mind for tonight?"

"Well….now that you ask…my Mother happens to be away for a few days at an actor's workshop and Alexis said she would be by late tomorrow afternoon to say hello….. so we have the loft to ourselves. I was thinking I could make us some dinner, open a bottle of wine and we could get reacquainted….so to speak."

Beckett smiled, getting reacquainted with Castle, was exactly what she had in mind.

"I can't think of anything I would like to do more." she replied, then added "but Castle…you really don't need to cook tonight. You must be tired from the tour and the flight. We could make it easy and order in some takeout."

"Sure….we could, but that wouldn't be as special." he said, "Besides….you know I love cooking for you, plus it will give me something to do while I eagerly await your arrival."

Beckett smiled again and said,

"I do love it when you cook for me…. always looking so cute in your apron. If you're feeling up to it….by all means cook away. I know it will be delicious."

"You bet it will be." Castle replied, then added, "And I'm not just talking about the food."

"Why Mr. Castle… don't you have a dirty little mind." Beckett replied, feeling her face flush a bit.

Castle purposely put on a sad voice and said,

"It got lonely on the book tour."

"Lonely?" she teased him "You were surrounded by your adoring fans."

"Yeah well….I appreciate my fans and all, but they're not you." he said.

"I missed you too." she replied.

"Good….so we're on the same page." he said.

"Oh….I definitely think we are on the same page." She assured him.

"Well in that case…. I'm going to get off the phone now and let you get back to work….so you can get the hell out of there as soon as humanly possible." He paused for a second, then added, "Text me when you are leaving the precinct….alright?"

"Okay I….I…can't wait to see you." she said.

"Me too." Castle replied, "Bye."

Beckett said good-bye and pressed end on her phone. Her heart was beating a little faster. What…was that, she thought, as she walked back to her desk. She had almost just ended their conversation by saying "Okay, I love you." It had seemed like such a natural thing to say, the words almost flowing out of her mouth, effortlessly. The only problem was that she hadn't yet said those words to him….. ever, and she certainly didn't want the first time to be over the phone. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved Castle. Truthfully she had loved him for a lot longer then the six months they had been a couple, though it had taken her a while to finally admit it to herself. Why she hadn't been able to verbalize it to him yet, was a question she had asked herself on numerous occasions. The answer she always came up with was that there was a part of her that was scared. Her feelings for Castle were unlike anything she had ever felt for another man. Sure, she had been in other relationships, some of which had seemed serious at the time, but she knew now, what true love really was. What she had felt for those other men, didn't come close to what she felt for Castle and that fact terrified her sometimes. She knew that Castle loved her, but their romantic relationship was still relatively new and being the realist that she was, she knew that sometimes things fall apart, even when that's the last thing you want. The thought of possibly losing him one day, frightened her to her core and maybe the reason she hadn't said those three little words yet, was because she was trying to protect a small part of her heart.

She had told herself for a while now, that she was being ridiculous. She knew that she needed to stop being scared and trust in their love and their desire to be with each other. She also knew that it was likely, Castle had figured out what was in her heart by now, but that wasn't enough. He deserved to hear her say it, to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how much she loved him. She took a deep breath and smiled to herself, because the time had finally come. She knew that she was ready. The fact that the words had almost slipped out so causally, was proof of that, she thought. She was grateful however, that she had caught herself just now. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him in person, while staring into his beautiful blue eyes. She glanced down at the case file, that had to be completed before she could see him. Get back to work she told herself. The sooner you wrap up this case, the sooner you can wrap your arms around Castle. Now, if that didn't motivate her, she thought, nothing else would.

**XXXXXXXX**

Needless to say, she walked into Gate's office at 6:20PM and handed in the completed case file.

"Nice work on this case Detective." Gates told her.

"Thank you Sir." Beckett replied.

"Any plans for your day off tomorrow?" Gates asked, while glancing through the file.

"Oh….I'm just hoping to relax a little." said Beckett. _In Castle__'__s bed,_ she thought to herself.

"Well have a good one." Gates replied.

"Thanks…I plan to." Beckett said as she turned and walked out of Gates' office. She stopped at her desk, picked up her bag and phone and walked to the elevator. As she waited for it to arrive, she sent Castle a text, letting him know that she was on her way. As she stepped into the elevator she received his reply, _Deliciousness awaits you. _She let out a little giggle.

"Don't I know it." she said under her breath, as she pressed the button for the first floor about five times…. imploring the elevator doors, to close more quickly.

_(Authors note - Thank you so much for reading part one. Reviews are always welcome!)_


	2. Chapter 2

Before he even opened the door, she caught a hint of the mouth-watering aromas coming from Castle's kitchen. She stood in the hallway, waiting for him, like a little girl on Christmas morning about to find out what Santa brought her. When the door did open, she was wearing that huge, mesmerizing, Beckett smile, the one that always makes Castle feel, a little weak in the knees.

"Hi." he said, his eyes twinkling, along with his own smile.

"Hi." she said in return, as she jumped into his arms. He surrounded her in an enveloping hug and lifted her slightly off the ground. She kissed his cheek and then his mouth. He lowered her back to the ground, brought his hand up to the side of her face and eagerly returned her kiss. She reached for the back of his head with one hand, running her fingers through his hair and gently took his lower lip into her mouth, playful biting it. The timer rang in the kitchen.

"Hold that thought." Castle said, as he pulled back slightly "I should go check on our dinner."

"If you have to." she playfully pouted, as she released him from her grasp.

"Don't you worry," he assured her, "I have every intention of picking up right where we left off…. very soon." He smiled at her and then asked,

"Are you hungry…..for something other than myself that is?"

She smiled back at him, raising her eyebrows slightly, then said,

"Actually yes, I'm starving…..and everything smells so good."

She followed him to the kitchen. He had made one of her favorite meals, salmon, roasted red bliss potatoes with rosemary and sautéed spinach and garlic.

"I opened a bottle of red if you want to pour us a glass, while I finish up in here?" Castle asked, then added, "I asked at wine store…. if they could recommend one of their most romantic wines and I was told that were having a hard time keeping this particular bottle on the shelves….seems it is very popular with the ladies."

"I'm intrigued." Beckett replied, as she walked over to the cabinet and got out two wine glasses. She poured them each a glass, handed one to Castle and then raised hers in the air.

"Welcome home." she said.

"Thank you." he replied, as he gently tapped his glass to hers. "I can't tell you how happy I am to be home."

They each took a sip.

"Yummy." Beckett said, "I can see why this wine is such a hot commodity."

"Good thing I bought a few bottles then." he said with a smile.

"Good thing." she said, as she took another sip, then asked,

"Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help?"

"Everything's basically done." he said, "If you want you can light the candles on the table and I will get our plates together."

"Sure." Beckett replied, as she walked over to the table, which Castle had set beautifully. She lit the candles and then took a seat. She sipped her wine and watched him lovingly, as he put the finishing touches on their dinner. How in the world did I get so lucky, she thought? I have this amazing man in my life, who despite just finishing an exhausting book tour and long flight, decided to spend his first few hours at home, shopping for, and cooking, this wonderful meal for us. She honestly didn't know that it was possible to feel this happy and she felt a little flutter in her belly, as she thought about what she wanted to tell him tonight. Castle plated their dinner and walked towards the table.

"Bon appétit." he said, as he set a plate in front of her.

"Wow Castle….everything looks so delicious." she told him.

"Better then takeout?" he teased her, as he put his own plate on the table, and sat down.

"So much better than takeout." she replied with a grin.

For a few moments they said nothing, as they dug in to Castle handiwork. Castle ate with a smile on his face, as he watched Beckett, thoroughly enjoy the food he had prepared. He figured that this was likely the first home cooked meal she had eaten since he left for the book tour. Even though he was aware of the fact, that she knew her way around a kitchen, he also knew, that when left to her own devices, she rarely cooked just for herself.

After Beckett had a chance to taste everything on her plate… multiple times, she looked at Castle and said,

"So….tell me about the book tour. What were the most interesting fan interactions you had this time around?"

"As always….there were a few unusual requests." Castle admitted, as he took a sip of wine, "This one woman wanted me to sign her back with a Sharpie. When I asked her why….she said that she was going make my signature permanent, that she was going straight to a tattoo parlor, once she left the bookstore. I asked her if she was sure that was such a good idea and she proceeded to show me about six other autographs on her body… all of them, made permanent with tattoo ink."

"Interesting….so did you sign her back?" Beckett asked.

"Sure." he replied "If she wanted to use her body as an autograph book….who was I to stop her. Besides, the other autographs she showed me….were from pretty famous individuals….so I'll admit it was a little bit flattering."

Beckett smiled at him and shook her head a little. She took a bite of salmon, then asked,

"So….who eles stood out?"

"She was definitely one of the most unique." he replied, as he scooped up a potato and some spinach and popped them into his mouth. He thought for a moment then continued,

"I did have this one guy who showed up with a copy of my yearbook from my senior year at boarding school. He looked around my age….so I asked him if we went to school together? He said that no….he had found the yearbook at a yard sale and bought it. He told me that he had been a fan of my books for years and thought it would be cool, if he met me one day to have me sign the yearbook by my senior picture, even if I did have a different name back then."

"That's sort of sweet….I guess." Beckett said.

"Yea….he seemed like a nice enough guy." Castle replied as he took another bite, then continued,

"The best encounter I had though….was with this man and his eight year old son. They came in with a Derrick Storm book for me to sign and told me how the man's wife, the boy's mother, had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. She had been going through months of chemotherapy and had started reading the Derrick Storm series during that time. They told me that my books provided her with an escape during the long chemo sessions and that they brought her some happiness…. in what has been and continues to be…. an unbelievably difficult time for her. When they saw I was coming to town for a book signing, they thought it would be nice to surprise her, by having me sign one of her favorite books."

Beckett looked at Castle tenderly and said,

"Wow….that alone, must have made the book tour worthwhile."

"Without a doubt," he said "I was so touched that I asked them to wait a moment. I motioned to a bookstore employee and asked if they wouldn't mind bringing me a copy of all the Nikki Heat books. I wrote a little message to the woman in each one….signed them and gave them all to the man and his son…..They must have thanked me about ten times and as they were leaving, I heard the little boy say to his dad, _Mom__'__s not going to believe this.__" _Castle smiled, then added,

"It was a pretty special moment."

"You're a good man Castle" Beckett said, as she reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his. She paused for a few moments, smiled, then said.

"You know…. I actually could tell you a story about one of your fans, that you haven't heard before." she paused again and took a sip of wine.

"Oh?" Castle asked, as he looked at her inquisitively.

"I think we both know..." she continued, "That you were able to figure out very early on.….that I had already read some of your books when we met"

He grinned at her and said,

"You did seem to have a pretty good knowledge of my work….including, if I remember correctly, one of my…. well lets just say, lesser known books."

"Yes….Okay, I'll admit it, I had probably read just about everything you had published up until that point, but what I never told you…..was that I discovered your books, shortly after my Mom died."

Castle squeezed her hand gently.

"In the weeks after her death." she continued, "I would bundle up and go for these long walks by myself. I must have covered most of Manhattan from Central Park down to the Battery. One particularly cold, January day, I was out walking, when I felt the need to warm up. I stepped into a Barnes and Nobel bookstore, bought a cup of coffee and decided to browse for a bit, while I thawed out…..I happened to pick up a copy of A Calm Before the Storm and starting reading the first few paragraphs. I was intrigued enough to find a comfy chair….take off my coat and continue reading the first chapter. About an hour or so later I was half way through chapter three, when a Barnes and Nobel employee walked by and told me that they would be closing in ten minutes. I stopped her and asked what she could tell me about the book I was reading and it's author. She proceeded to tell me that A Calm Before the Storm was a best seller, and your biggest success so far and that the second book in the series was due to be released in a few months. She also said they had a few of your earlier works in the murder mystery section….I thanked her, got up and walked to that section. I found In a Hail of Bullets, A Rose for Ever After and Flowers for Your Grave. I bought them all, along with of course, A Calm Before the Storm. For the next few months, whenever I needed an escape I picked up one of your books. I read everything that I purchased that day… and when I finished those, I tracked down some of your other books. I even bought the second Derrick Storm book on the day it was released and believe it or not...stood in line for an hour to have you sign it."

Castle stared at her with a stunned expression. She brought her hand up to his cheek and gently held his face, then continued,

"Castle you….your words….helped me get though the hardest time of my life. While I was reading your books, I could block out everything else and lose myself in your stories. They provided me with a much needed escape….from all the anger and sorrow that was eating away at me."

As she spoke, Beckett's eyes slowly filled with tears, as she watched Castle's do the same. For a moment Castle said nothing as he simply tried to absorbe what Beckett had just told him.

"Kate." he finally said, "I….I can't even adequately express to you how that makes me feel. To know that in some small way…..I was able to provide you with a little comfort, with some relief, during that time in your life….it's…it's truly remarkable and it just means the world to me."

She nodded her head in agreement, as a tear slowly made its way down her cheek.

"You were an important person in my life…. long before we actually met." she told him, as she got up from her chair, walked over to him and sat down on his lap. She wrapped her arms around him.

He returned her embrace and then whispered in her ear,

"I'm so happy that you shared that with me."

"So am I." she whispered back.

After a few moments of them holding each other, she lifted her head off of his shoulder, so that she could look into his face. His eyes were still watery.

"There is actually something else, that I've wanted to tell you… for a while now." she said, her voice full of emotion.

"Yeah?" he said softly, as he gently moved a strand of her hair out of her face, "Well… I'm all ears."

She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes.

"I love you." she told him, "I love you so much….it actually scares me sometimes."

She watched as a look of pure joy and love, spread across his face.

"I love you too Kate." He replied "More than I can say." He leaned in and gently kissed her lips, then pulled back a little and added,

"Please don't be scared though. You and I are meant to be together. I've known that for a long time and I only become more and more convinced of that fact….every moment I spend with you."

Beckett nodded her head in agreement as she reach for his face with both hands and their lips met once again. At first they shared a few soft, gentle, loving kisses. It didn't take long however, till the overwhelming passion they felt for each, took over and their kisses became deeper, more intense and immensely arousing. They were momentarily distracted when Beckett's elbow accidentally knocked Castle's fork off of the table. When they heard it hit the floor, they separated for a moment. Castle looked at Beckett and asked, breathlessly,

"You're done with dinner…right?"

"All I want right now is you." Beckett replied, as she leaned back in and kissed his neck.

"I can make that happen." said Castle, as he stood up with Beckett in his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders and he carried her into the bedroom.

**XXXXXXX**

About an hour or so later, as they lay in bed, both thoroughly satisfied and blissfully happy, Castle told Beckett just how much everything she had revealed this evening, meant to him.

"You deserved to hear it all Castle." she said, "I only regret that I didn't tell you everything sooner."

"No….you shouldn't have any regrets." he replied, "You told me when you were ready to tell me. I honestly wouldn't want anything other than that."

"God…do I love you" she said, as she snuggled in closer to him, then added with a smile, "I hope you are not going to get sick of hearing me say that now?"

He laughed and said,

"I can guarantee you that I will never….ever get sick of hearing those words come out of your mouth."

"Good." she said, as she lifted her head off his chest and gave him a little kiss. He kissed her back and then said,

"So…. I know we ate most of our dinner before we got…otherwise distracted, but we didn't get to finish everything I had planned."

"I'm listening?" she said with a quizzical look.

"I picked up some of that gelato that you love so much and cut up a bunch of fresh fruit." He said. "What do you say I go make us some dessert. We can have a little bedroom picnic…maybe replenish our energies for possibly...a round two?" He added, as he smiled and raised his eyebrows.

"Do you even have to ask?" she replied with a smile of her own.

"That's what I thought." he said, as he jumped out of bed and slipped on the boxers he found laying on the floor.

"I'll be right back." he assured her, as he walked out of the bedroom.

Beckett watched him leave the room, admiring his broad shoulders and cute behind, the shape of which, she should just make out under his boxer shorts. She then sat up and gathered some of the pillows that had been displaced, due to their earlier activities. She moved them to their rightful position at the head of the bed, so they had something to lean against while they ate their desert. She then got up, walked to Castle's drawers and took out one of his tee-shirts. She slipped it on and got back into bed. As she lay there waiting for him to return, she felt happier and more at peace, then she could honestly, ever remember feeling. This night had been pure magic. She and Castle were closer and more connected then they had ever been. Opening up to him felt so amazing and seeing the joy and happiness in his face, when she did so, was priceless. She knew that she had reached a personal milestone, as the last little piece of the wall, that had dictated her life for so long, was finally gone. She smiled, as she saw Castle making his way towards the bedroom. As he approached the bed, carrying a tray filled with fresh fruit and four flavors of gelato, he smiled at her and asked,

"Did you miss me?"

"Always." she said.

The end.

_(Authors note - Thank you very much for reading __Her First I Love You__. I really hope that you enjoyed it. I would love to hear what you thought about it, so if you have the time, please let me know.)_


End file.
